Sunday, January 26, 2014

Jai Ho - Censor Board abolish ho!

Jai Ho - Censor Board abolish ho!

U/A seems to have been one of the most abused licences the Indian filmmakers use to their advantage. It legally or for that matter otherwise also translates into "Universal Adult" which essentially means that the title holder has the 'freedom' to showcase his/her labour of love in an uninhibited manner across the lengths and breadth of the country!

I confess that I am not one of the most ardent "chest pumping and shirt ripping"  fans of the only 'Bhai' Indian film industry has ever produced and I am possibly, at the best, plain indifferent when my entire 'socially networked' groups of acquaintances seem to be quite buzzing with a 'nearly declared won' anticipation for the Salman Khan potboiler / masala entertainer even before its going on floor!

This time was no different when I didn't even bother to see where all "Jai Ho" got screened until late Friday evening when a friend's wife asked us for an "Expression of Interest" for the night show on the day of its release. I left it to the discretion of my home maker and we were set for the show.

Normally, I back myself for almost immediately sharing my own interpretation of the movie I see even if that means I have to burner the (post)midnight oil. This time I forced myself into a deep contemplation shell for the last 48 hours since I finished watching this 'bought' exhibition rights and consciously stayed away from letting my verbal excreta getting the better of me. Some of you would probably be cursing me with "Why now then?" To them I once again very humbly request to kindly close this reading window from their smartphones and/or tablets/PC'S.

I would not have been able to forgive myself had I taken our young two months to three years old baby along. My past one year's experience guided me that 'U/A' issued by the Indian motion picture censor board is actually for adults (or at least for a reasonably mature mind with a relatively stable mental make-up) and possibly when it is forced to issue a minimum no. of 'A' certificates for its political masters it does so for either those mainstream offerings which would undoubtably qualify for at least a 'X X' in the other markets or are being owned by lesser privileged filmmakers!

It's sad to observe that the 'hallowed' name and often feared CBC (Central Board for Certification) has been bought over by the who's who in the film industry. It is no longer an inference but a bitter fact of life. Period!

Agreed that there cannot be a hero with even half the indomitable screen presence that Salman commands. Agreed that he almost single handedly carries the weight of the entire movie on his shoulders with such effortless ease that you feel about him strolling in the park while doing so. Agreed that he is India's answer to the original 'Rambo' and stands out from the rest like the Pole Star. Agreed that no one in the whole of Bollywood can even dream of racking up even an iota of his popularity which only keeps the very concept of "first day first show" still relevant.

In this brute portrayal of an 'Aam Admi' with his daily trials and tribulations while standing up against a corrupt government which has its own nefarious plans to ensure it keeps clinging on to the power he appears very much believable and keeps packing more than merely a punch during the entire 140 min length of the movie.

The rest of the ensemble cast is comprising of the who's who from among the list of the most "flop actors". You name it and s/he was there in one or two frames to fill in the blanks. The new leading lady Daisy Shah has looked a lousy import even as the veteran Danny could find it a very 'unrepenting' role he was offered to convince him making a comeback after ages. He simply lost the plot in his initial few scenes only and could never regain even one inch of his lost turf till the very end. Quite a disappointing selection by one of the finest villains of yesteryear. Tabu inspired some confidence in bits and pieces but again she also could have avoided this embarrassment.

Now comes the most disturbing side of this commercial necessity to upgrade the certification to 'U/A' by possibly doing some under table exchanges with the censor board. How on earth could a repeated crude reference to the male anatomy by the leading lady and a vociferous retort by the young 7-8 year old nephew of the hero by revealing her undergarments' colour could have gone unnoticed by the learned jury? How and why possibly the most loud sound effects (having the potential to puncture a healthy young heart) used in abundance along with the lengthy and gory action sequences could pass the muster? Are all of those qualified but corrupt officials insensitive towards the mental make up of an impressionable young mind? Why would the production houses be compelled by just the commercial success of their work to not evidence their basic propriety and social responsibilities?

With that food for thought I put it to rest with a serious request to all of you who have already seen the movie. Please do not hesitate in sharing your own views. If you concur with my apprehension please come out in open and support this crusade against a corrupt censorship. We are better off without it. Should you find my outburst just too lame and/or emotional lacking any considerable merit I would welcome your bashing me up as well. Let's open this sensitive debate for a possible conclusive actionable we owe to our future generations.

On REndex, I give 10 out of 10 to Salman for his charisma and star power, 7 for his acting in this movie and -10 for his carelessly using "Being Human" when he hardly means it, at least for his young fans.

Jai Ho!!

(C) Rits Original

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Rendezvous with Nursery teacher!

Rendezvous with Nursery teacher!

Dear (would be) teacher,

At the onset, I find you quite an affable person & I am more than glad to offer you my hug. If you exude warmth in the process I could actually consider planting couple of kisses on both of your blushes with a smile (which my parents say is one of its kind) between my lips. Of course they are probably programmed to be so very effusive all the time while taking pride in their little doll's astonishing vice-like grip on even the passing breeze.

In another couple of months from now I will turn three and I can see both my mom n dad getting some anxious moments n sleepless nights already what with my admission to a good school's nursery class getting on to their nerves. This disturbs me even as I know that all my teachers in my current play school where I am showering all of my bliss would be heartbroken just with the very thought of parting with me. Such is the strong bond I have been able to form with them & I know that I have been their most favourite protégé for the past 7-8 months. I find myself truly blessed to have earned so much of unconditional embrace by all.

Quite honestly, if you ask them, my parents would love me to spend the next couple of years at home only as they are firm believers in the old dictum "home is the best school and parents are the best teachers". Though after discharging his bread winner's duties through the day my dad devotes considerable time with me (I am fortunate that my mom keeps doing it round the clock) I believe they are merely concerned about my getting exposed to the outside world too soon. I agree that it is understandable also on their part given the early turbulences they had to so strongly hold fort against while I was still just few weeks into this world. But I am sure that at the end of day they'll be the first ones to acknowledge what unmatchable value add & exposure one young baby like me could have just by the virtue of my being party to a methodically selected group (or class) of few kids.

On my part, I also make sure that I do not let any of their effort go fruitless. That's when I surprised them by learning the nine planets' names "in order" even before my dad could do so! Surprised? Didn't it? Not as much because he studied in vernacular all the time and for him it was as unique & laborious exercise as it was for me. Thanks to my mom's ingenuity out of all my subsequent 'indulgences' this planet-o-mania remains the show stopper, for me and for those who so affectionately adore me.

I do not quite get when my teachers fondly call me a "Google Child"! From what immensely cute acts my all other pals perform in my play class I realize that all my parents' teachings keep mesmerizing the teachers. Be it my being able to take names of all the continents, oceans, days of the week, months of the year, our national animal, national bird or national flower with absolutely effortless ease or be it my recitation of the "Johny Johny", "Yes Papa!" I feel so very good while cheering the mood around.

I know that I have few chinks too in my armour like I keep getting stuck at all of twenty nine's, thirty nine's, forty nine's etc. before being sheepishly prompted to thirty, forty, fifty and so on until I reach the coveted HUNDRED and raise both of my hands in jubilation! I also know that I get mischievous while crossing the "Poonam Nagar" in our home address & instead improvise it as "Boongam Bangam"! But I more than make up for it by correctly dictating my dad's mobile no. with all of its ten digits in exactly the same unique order as they are meant to be memorized as.

Now I have come to your door step to explore the possibilities of my making your school my adolescent years' abode of learning. I am sure that by now you have already formed my alter-image in your subconscious mind and that you are as excited to the ensuing "interaction" with me as I am. So what's stopping you from taking that leap of faith in me? If I am more than committed to do it for you I am sure I won't ever let you down if you do so.

Come, fall in fun!

Yours truly

(C) Rits Original